The Black Cauldron

The Black Cauldron (1985)

Directed by Ted Berman and Richard Rich

Written by David Jonas, Vance Gerry, and others

THE ANIMATION

Say what you will about The Black Cauldron (like that it sucks), but one thing you can’t deride it for is its animation. The artwork here is quality stuff, and some of the lighting and colors utilized in certain shots make the film look downright contemporary. It’s worth mentioning that this was the first Disney film to utilize CGI, and it blends in with the traditional art flawlessly. It might be because of the film’s darker color scheme (there’s a lot of dungeons here), but I hadn’t noticed the CG much at all until a recent viewing. However, like I said, there are a lot of dungeons and castle crawling here; consequently most of the film’s color scheme is pretty drab to look at.

THE HEROES

There are four main protagonists here: a bland, uppity boy named… uh…Taran (I had to go look it up again real quick), a little hairy…dog-bear-thing with a dreadful voice named Gurgi (he’d be Jar Jar-tier, but there’s no racism here), an old minstrel named Fflewddur Fflam (I definitely had to look this joker’s name up again), and a princess (of course) named Eilonwy. Each and every one of these characters is wholly forgettable, but at least only two of them (Taran and Gurgi) are unlikeable. Fflam is just there for comedic relief, but he doesn’t leave an impression good or bad (despite having a harp that knows when he’s lying…?); and Eilonwy is…well, she’s the cute romantic love interest. She didn’t even need to be a princess—it adds literally nothing to the narrative and we’d never have known she was royalty if she hadn’t told us so.

THE SIDE CHARACTERS

Here we have Taran’s master, Caer Dallben (looked up name), a farm-keep who has to do with keeping the Black Cauldron away from the antagonists or something. He keeps watch over Hen Wen, a pig that inexplicably has the powers of prophecy which are activated when it sticks its head in water (I didn’t have to look the pig’s name up because being a psychic pig, it actually manages to stick out in your brain). There’s also a community of fairies that help out the heroes, but I’m not even going to bother looking up their names. And finally, there are three witches that impede the heroes as well, but they’re more neutral, so they’re placed here rather than under the villain category. No, I’m not naming them either. All you need to know is that one of them is mad horny for Fflam for some reason.

THE VILLAINS

The Horned King’s the Big Bad of this picture, and unlike the heroes and side characters, he manages to make his mark in Disney history by mere presence and design alone. He’s got the classically evil look: protruding horns, long cloak, skeletal physique, the voice of John Hurt—he’s generically badass by design, but the execution helps some. Plus, a generic look isn’t too bad if you’ve got an interesting personality to back it up… alas, he does not. The King doesn’t revel enough in his evil to be an endearing ham like the Emperor, and he doesn’t do anything to impress. Actually, his means of defeat was embarrassingly anticlimactic, stealing away any cool points he might have originally had.

He rules over a similarly generic servant, Creeper (looked up), who’s sort of a proto-LeFou; and an army of rogues and outlaws. None of them are worth talking about, but his later acquired army of Cauldron Born sure are. Since these guys are just nameless henchman, they get a pass on not having personality—they’re just pure menace on design alone. The distortion effect used as they lumber along, the ominous fog that follows them, their hellish bodies—there’s a reason why this is seen as one of the darker Disney features.

THE MUSIC

No comment.

No, really, I’ve nothing to say about the score here. It’s your generic fantasy-type—just like everything else in this movie. I suppose it’s worth noting that this was the first Disney picture to not have a single song of some sort… but that’s the extent of my sayings on the matter.

THE PLOT

In the mystical land of Prydain (looked up) there’s a powerful artifact—the Black Cauldron—capable of creating an army of undead immortal warriors, the Cauldron Born. The evil Horned King wishes to use this item to take over the world, but he doesn’t know where it is. In order to reveal its location, the Horned King sets his sights on a psychic pig, Hen Wen (how he found out about it, I don’t know), forcing the pig’s master to send off his young ward, Taran, off with Hen Wen until its safe. But when Taran and Hen Wen are captured by the Horned King, and the former finds the magical sword, Taran and his newfound friends decide to take a proactive stance in thwarting the dark lord’s plans.

Total Score: 11.5/30 = 38% = F